Does Tide Remove Salsa Stains? Or, How I survived the President’s speech
02/25/09
In my preparation to listen to the President address Congress I surveyed the space around me and removed all sharp objects and any item that could cause damage to my TV. Then I opened my bottle of xanax, popped a beer, and sat down with my chips and salsa. I was determined not to let his speech ruin what could otherwise be a pleasant evening.
I once heard a psychologist posit that chronic lateness was based in arrogance. That even a person who is chronically late will accidentally arrive on time once in a while unless they have issues of narcissism. I pondered that lesson as news analysts informed me that Obama was late. The leader of the free world, who literally shuts traffic down when he decides to go somewhere, could not arrive to a joint session of congress, with the entire world watching, on time. When the gentlemen finally announced the president’s arrival I half expected the lights to dim, heavy bass pounding music to blare, and spot lights to encircle him as he made his way down the red carpet shaking hands and receiving accolades from his loyal minions. It took him so long to walk down the aisle that I had time to go pee and pop another beer.
As he began his speech, it occurred to me that my wide-screen TV was entirely too wide. I realized that I was going to have sit there with Pelosi’s botox riddled face and Biden’s veneer toothed grin for an hour. My eyes fixed on the silver tray and crystal water glasses in front of the pair and I concluded that their overly enthusiastic applause and face splitting grins could only be attributed to vodka. So, I went to the kitchen and poured myself a shot.
As I began munching on my chips and salsa the President said, “As soon as I took office, I asked this Congress to send me a recovery plan by President’s Day that would put people back to work and put money in their pockets. Not because I believe in bigger government – I don’t.” THE HELL YOU DON’T, I screamed. ” Not because I’m not mindful of the massive debt we’ve inherited – I am.” YOU DEMOCRATS CREATED THIS MESS! As I screamed and thrust my fist at him as though he could actually feel my air-punches I dropped a salsa laden chip on my shirt.
I’m not sure if it was the beer, vodka, or xanax but at some point the President’s voice and cadence began to hypnotize me. I was reminded of Neil Boortz during the campaign who, with an expert, explained why Obama’s speeches are so mesmerizing and why those who are susceptible to hypnotism are enamored by Obama. Seems Obama had assembled a team of oratory coaches, long before we knew who he was, and received Hollywood style acting lessons in speech giving. His speeches utilize inflection and pace to have the listener’s mind focus on key words and phrases rather than on the substance, or lack thereof.
Just as I snapped my mind back to the speech I saw Pelosi give one of her famously ugly smirks. The words of a classic country song came to mind as I considered how much vodka it would take for her to “look pretty at closing time.”
For nearly an hour the President continued in his rhetoric. At several points he extended a hand to Republicans only to sucker punch them with his next statement. Once again my mind wandered and I turned my attention to the salsa stain on my shirt. “I wonder if Tide Stick will get this out.”
The President finally brought his self-indulgent speech to a close. And as the commentators lauded his oratory skills and praised him for his positive(?) tone I realized there are several things I have to be thankful for:
First, my TV survived unscathed. Second, I discovered that no amount of alcohol can trick me into thinking Pelosi is pretty. Third, Tide does in fact get salsa stains out. Most importantly, I learned that no matter how mad or angry I get at Obama, no matter how much I yell and scream at him, and no matter how dire things may appear; having my kitten jump into my arms and lay there with complete trust and abandon puts my world back in focus. I know that with my family and our love for one another we will survive this madness called an Obama Administration.
There’s Always More to the Story…
02/23/09
As we found out the truth about Henrietta Hughes after her plea for a house, car, blah, blah, blah… we are also finding out more about the woman, Donna Hanks (see Thou Shalt Not Covet Your Neighbor’s House here) who, with ACORN, stole a house (they claimed they were taking her foreclosed house back as a protest). Michelle Malkin found out more details about this deadbeat.
Hanks bought the two-story home in the summer of 2001 for $87,000. At some point in the next five years, she re-financed the original home loan for $270,000. After which she went $10,500 in arrears (no surprise there) and as foreclosure proceedings began she filed Chapter 13. As part of the bankruptcy, she agreed to re-pay the amount in arrears thus, halting the foreclosure. She then proceeded to neglect her agreed to repayment plan and was issued a notice of default on nearly $7,000. During this time, she continued to collect rent on her basement. She had two years to pay back what she owed.
Are you disgusted yet? If not, I suspect you will be as more stories of deadbeats emerge while you continue to work and pay your bills and mortgage. It is people like this Donna Hanks that Obama will be bailing out with your hard earned money!
There is a bright spot to this story. The owner of the home that was broken into (yes, broken into; I refuse to gloss this over by calling it a protest) is suing ACORN and the ACORN official who cut the padlock on the house is facing a burglary charge.
Join a Tea Party Rally Near You!!
02/23/09
Top Conservatives on Twitter (TCOT) are organizing simultaneous rallies throughout the nation on Friday 27th. This is the nationwide rally that Michelle Malkin supports on her site. Be a part of history. Go here http://tcotreport.com/ to find events in your state. And if you can’t go to a rally please join anyway and help spread the word!
Even tho the rally for my state is two hours away, I and my family will be there! Time to take a stand. 
Obama Math or, 2+2=3
02/22/09
I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer and when it comes to mathematics, a butter knife is a cut above me. However, when I hear the numbers being tossed about by Washington, even I know something isn’t adding up.
The headline reads: Obama Aims to Halve Deficit by 2013. I had to read that twice. Halve the deficit!? I mean, didn’t we just spend $787 billion in pork? If you go by what the “experts” say, one third of that is tax cuts and job creation so that creates an actual total of about $520 billion in pork spending. Stay with me, the numbers are about to get even more confusing.
We musn’t forget the $75 billion in mortgage bailout, or is it $275 billion? I still haven’t figured this one out. The President said it was a $75 billion dollar plan and yet the same day the news was reporting it at $275 billion. Get out your calculator folks. This plan is supposed to help up to 9 million homeowners by renegotiating loans to save them $6,000 on their mortgage. According to my trusty rusty Texas Instrument, 9 million times 6 thousand equals, 54 billion. Is your head spinning yet?
On top of all this is Geithner’s yet to be named, planned, or rolled out blueprint to save the world from economic collapse. We don’t know what it is and he won’t tell us, but we do know it will cost at least $2 TRILLION. In addition are the trillions in bank, insurance, and auto bailouts.
Now then, the report I read said that the new administration was left with a $1.3 trillion deficit when it took office. Politicians prefer to say it was left with a $9 trillion deficit. To-may-toe, to-mah-toe? To try and reconcile these numbers, I dug a bit deeper. Guess what I found? They are both right! What I learned is that there is a difference between Federal deficit and National deficit. Say whaaat!? You read that right folks. There are two sets of books. I know some of y’all already knew this but keep in mind… I am aspiring to be a butter knife.
So, when the President says he is going to cut the Federal deficit in half, he just might be able to do it; by moving pork spending and pet projects outside the budget and into spending bills, instead of within the proper budget appropriations where they rightfully belong (remember the stimulus bill).
Now that those trillions are no longer on the Federal books how is he going to halve what is left? Well, he is going to raise taxes. He said he will raise them on businesses and on the wealthy. Now, I take issue with the term “wealthy” because by his definition you are wealthy if your household earns more than $250,000. Right now, those poor schmucks who work hard, pay their mortgages, pay their bills, and earn $250,000 are paying $87,500 of their earnings in income tax. When Obama gets through they will be paying $99,000 in income tax. That’s just income tax, folks! It doesn’t take into account social security, medicare, and for some, State tax. Now, if the median household income is $40,000 then that means for every household earning $250,000, there are two jobs that could have been created had they not been taxed. But Obama doesn’t really want to create jobs, does he? No, he wants to take money from the so called wealthy and give it to the “poor” so that the “poor” doesn’t actually have to work.
Finally, Obama said in his weekly radio and Internet address, “We can’t generate sustained growth without getting our deficits under control.” He said his budget will be “sober in its assessments, honest in its accounting, and lays out in detail my strategy for investing in what we need, cutting what we don’t, and restoring fiscal discipline.” How can this guy keep a straight face when he knows he is spewing a bold faced lie!? To add insult to injury, he is meeting tomorrow with business and union leaders, academics and lawmakers to discuss ways of cutting the deficit. Then on Tuesday he is addressing a joint session of congress with his budget. If I were a business leader invited to this faux meeting, I wouldn’t go. It’s an insult to say you want input on something when you have already made up your mind. Kinda like when he wanted input from Republicans on the stimulus bill when he had no intention of listening.
One more thing before I go repair the hole in the wall left by my Texas Instrument. Remember the $13 per week we are to receive? Evidentally, Obama is using a different calculator because in his address he claims it is $65 per month. I still haven’t figured that one out. If anyone can enlighten me please do!
