What Obama Really Meant

02/10/09

Last night all of us were treated to Obama’s first news conference as our president.  While most of the media is calling it a success I am puking up my cheerios.

As usual, he performed quite well while reading his teleprompters.  He showed his inexperience and inability to stay on point when he began taking questions from the so-called press.  A few of the questions came from actual journalists while others came from bloggers and columnists.  This was the first press conference where those who are not a part of the White House Press Corps were allowed.  However, in case you missed it The Washington Post’s Michael A. Fletcher asked the most pressing question that is on every American’s mind, “What do you think about the admission by baseball star Alex Rodriguez that he once used steroids?”  Idiot.

Obama’s prepared statement was, thankfully, quite short.  For those who are not fluent in ObamaSpeak,  I have provided the short transcript of his statement with what he really meant in red italics.

OBAMA: Good evening, everybody. Please be seated. Hello my little pretties. Thank you for worshiping me.

Before I take your questions tonight, I’d like to speak briefly about the state of our economy and why I believe we need to put this recovery plan in motion as soon as possible.  Before I take questions from my biggest fans like The Huffington Post and Helen Thomas, who really aren’t even journalists, I would like to manipulate you into blindness about my socialist package. Read more

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