The Guardian U.K. Mocks Obama and his Oratory Skills
Finally! Some in other countries are catching on and mocking President Obama and his fallacious oratory skills, none of which he has, without a telemprompter!
Barack Obama, the World’s Greatest Orator (™all news organisations), didn’t exactly cover himself in glory when the BBC’s political editor Nick Robinson asked him a question about who was to blame for the financial crisis. Normally word perfect, Obama ummed, ahed and waffled for the best part of two and a half minutes. Here, John Crace decodes what he was really thinking …
Nick Robinson: “A question for you both, if I may. The prime minister has repeatedly blamed the United States of America for causing this crisis. France and Germany both blame Britain and America for causing this crisis. Who is right? And isn’t the debate about that at the heart of the debate about what to do now?” Brown immediately swivels to leave Obama in pole position. There is a four-second delay before Obama starts speaking [THANKS FOR NOTHING, GORDY BABY. REMIND ME TO HANG YOU OUT TO DRY ONE DAY.] Barack Obama: “I, I, would say that, er … pause [I HAVEN'T A CLUE] … if you look at … pause [WHO IS THIS NICK ROBINSON JERK?] … the, the sources of this crisis … pause [JUST KEEP GOING, BUDDY] … the United States certainly has some accounting to do with respect to . . . pause [I'M IN WAY TOO DEEP HERE] … a regulatory system that was inadequate to the massive changes that have taken place in the global financial system … pause, close eyes [THIS IS GOING TO GO DOWN LIKE A CROCK OF SHIT BACK HOME. HELP]. I think what is also true is that … pause [I WANT NICK ROBINSON TO DISAPPEAR] … here in Great Britain … pause [SHIT, GORDY'S THE HOST, DON'T LAND HIM IN IT] … here in continental Europe … pause [DAMN IT, BLAME EVERYONE.] … around the world. We were seeing the same mismatch between the regulatory regimes that were in place and er … pause [I'VE LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT AGAIN] … the highly integrated, er, global capital markets that have emerged … pause [I'M REALLY WINGING IT NOW]. So at this point, I’m less interested in … pause [YOU] … identifying blame than fixing the problem. I think we’ve taken some very aggressive steps in the United States to do so, not just responding to the immediate crisis, ensuring banks are adequately capitalised, er, dealing with the enormous, er … pause [WHY DIDN'T I QUIT WHILE I WAS AHEAD?] … drop-off in demand and contraction that has taken place. More importantly, for the long term, making sure that we’ve got a set of, er, er, regulations that are up to the task, er, and that includes, er, a number that will be discussed at this summit. I think there’s a lot of convergence between all the parties involved about the need, for example, to focus not on the legal form that a particular financial product takes or the institution it emerges from, but rather what’s the risk involved, what’s the function of this product and how do we regulate that adequately, much more effective coordination, er, between countries so we can, er, anticipate the risks that are involved there. Dealing with the, er, problem of derivatives markets, making sure we have set up systems, er, that can reduce some of the risks there. So, I actually think … pause [FANTASTIC. I'VE LOST EVERYONE, INCLUDING MYSELF] … there’s enormous consensus that has emerged in terms of what we need to do now and, er … pause [I'M OUTTA HERE. TIME FOR THE USUAL CLOSING BOLLOCKS] … I’m a great believer in looking forwards than looking backwards.
This commentary was glorious!
Tonight’s Press Conference with Commentary from the TOTUS and Myself
Teleprompter in Blue
CrabbyCon in Red
Hello, everybody. Please have a seat.
Woah – Chuck Todd’s head is Huge!
Good evening. Now, before I take questions from the correspondents, I want to give everyone who’s watching tonight an update on the steps we’re taking to move this economy from recession to recovery, and ultimately to prosperity. Now, it’s important to remember that this crisis didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t result from any one action or decision. It took many years and many failures to lead us here. And it will take many months and many different solutions to lead us out. There are no quick fixes, and there are no silver bullets.
He plans to take all our silver bullets or at least tax them to death
I love taunting all of you by only speaking about America’s failures
That’s why we’ve put in place a comprehensive strategy designed to attack this crisis on all fronts. It’s a strategy to create jobs, to help responsible homeowners, to restart lending, and to grow our economy over the long term. And we’re beginning to see signs of progress.
Man – that word crisis is lovely
Glad you like it! We use it often.
The first step we took was to pass a recovery plan to jump-start job creation and put money in people’s pockets. And this plan’s already saved the jobs of teachers and police officers. It’s creating construction jobs to rebuild roads and bridges. And yesterday I met with a man whose company is reopening a factory outside of Pittsburgh that’s rehiring workers to build some of the most energy-efficient windows in the world.
Just what we need more unions and more teachers (that’s repetitive).
We try to use buzzwords like energy-efficient – even for windows.
And this plan will provide a tax cut to 95 percent of all working families that will appear in people’s paychecks by April 1st.
I think the tax cut being on April 1st is our April Fool’s gift – horrible date to pick BO… what about all those non-working families? Will they also receive money for not working?
Better than trying to stick a whoopie cushion underneath all you middle class working Americans.
The second step we took was to launch a plan to stabilize the housing market and help responsible homeowners stay in their homes. This plan’s one reason that mortgage interest rates are now at near- historic lows.
Only one reason – don’t explain the other reasons or else people may catch on.
I hope you know there are 100 steps…
We’ve already seen a jump in refinancings of mortgages as homeowners take advantage of lower rates. And every American should know that up to 40 percent of all mortgages are now eligible for refinancing. This is the equivalent of another tax cut, and we’re also beginning to see signs of increased sales and stabilizing home prices for the first time in a very long time.
Pfffffffffffft.
The third part of our strategy is to restart the flow of credit to families and businesses. To that end, we’ve launched a program designed to support the markets for more affordable auto loans, student loans and small-business loans — a program that’s already securitized more of this lending in the last week than in the last four months combined.
New USA credit cards – only 40% monthly interest.
Yesterday, Secretary Geithner announced a new plan that will partner government resources with private investment to buy up the assets that are preventing our banks from lending money. And we will continue to do whatever is necessary in the weeks ahead to ensure the banks Americans depend on have the money they need to lend, even if the economy gets worse.
He is the candidate of Wall Street so he needs to pay off his buddies.
We have launched a new program “ObamaBanking” w/ free checking.
Finally, the most critical part of our strategy is to ensure that we do not return to an economic cycle of bubble and bust in this country. We know that an economy built on reckless speculation, inflated home prices and maxed-out credit cards does not create lasting wealth. It creates the illusion of prosperity, and it’s endangered us all.
So we will continue to spend wrecklessly as we have done in the past to create these bubbles and continue to use Keynesian economics as well as “fair and equitable” practices…
POP!
The budget I submitted to Congress will build our economic recovery on a stronger foundation so that we don’t face another crisis like this 10 or 20 years from now. We invest in the renewable sources of energy that will lead to new jobs, new businesses and less dependence on foreign oil. We invest in our schools and our teachers, so that our children have the skills they need to compete with any workers in the world.
Accept that He, and the rest of the democrats, are on the dole of the Saudi’s and OPEC so we will not use our domestic oil sources… He likes the word INVEST – don’t think he understands what it means…
I get all hot when my President stares at me during a press conference.
We invest in reform that will bring down the cost of health care for families, businesses and our government.
And in this budget, we have — we have to make the tough choices necessary to cut our deficit in half by the end of my first term, even under the most pessimistic estimates.
Pray-tell how do we cut a deficit in half when you have already spent over $3T in your first 60 days? and will continue to spend trillions every year for the next several?
At the end of the day, the best way to bring our deficit down in the long run is not with a budget that continues the very same policies that have led us to a narrow prosperity and massive debt. It’s with a budget that leads to broad economic growth by moving from an era of borrow-and-spend to one where we save and invest.
There he goes w/ the blame Bush again…Even though He’s spending more this year than Bush did on the entire war on terror (WOT).
And that’s why clean-energy jobs and businesses will do — all across America. That’s what a highly skilled workforce can do all across America. That’s what an efficient health-care system that controls costs and entitlements like Medicare and Medicaid will do.
Dear lord Medicare and Medicaid… Stop the Insanity!
That’s why this budget is inseparable from this recovery, because it is what lays the foundation for a secure and lasting prosperity.
TRUST US… HOPENOSIS
The road to that prosperity is still long, and we will hit our share of bumps and setbacks before it ends. But we must remember that we can get there if we travel that road as one nation, as one people.
One people… Grammar police?
You know, there was a lot of outrage and finger-pointing last week, and much of it is is understandable. I’m as angry as anybody about those bonuses that went to some of the very same individuals who brought our financial system to its knees, partly because it’s yet another symptom of the culture that led us to this point.
Yes finger-pointing something you like to do often to republicans and Bush (but that’s ok and doesn’t technically count).
Finger-pointing doesn’t work so our economy needs thumbs and socialist bankers.
But one of the most important lessons to learn from this crisis is that our economy only works if we recognize that we’re all in this together, that we all have responsibilities to each other and to our country.
That’s why your responsibility is to your NCAA pool and Leno.
Bankers and executives on Wall Street need to realize that enriching themselves on the taxpayer’s dime is inexcusable, that the days of outsize rewards and reckless speculation that puts us all at risk have to be over. At the same time, the rest of us can’t afford to demonize every investor or entrepreneur who seeks to make a profit. That drive is what has always fueled our prosperity, and it is what will ultimately get these banks lending and our economy moving once more.
He only liked demonizing them to get an agenda across, distract people or to suit his campaigning and election.
I really wish they would have put me up in front of his face at least – he keeps looking down at me and getting caught up on words… Rahm said he didn’t have to come to rehearsal today and I won’t argue with Rahm – I don’t need dead fish on my screen.
